Monday, July 30, 2012

Ten of the Most Underrated(and underseen) Movies (I done seen)

  I don't how many of you folks know this, but I'm a bit of a movie buff and I reckon this here's a nice list of movies y'all ain't never seen before.  But you should, cuz they's awesome.

In no part'cler order:


 Dead Man- (deerected by Jim Jarmusch, Starrin Johnny Depp)

 It's one of them westerns shot in the purtiest black and white you ever saw. It's a very deep movie about life and death and such, kinda like that there existentialism.




Juggernaut (directed by Richard Lester, Starring Richard Harris)

 It's one of them excitin thriller's from the 70's, takes place on a cruise ship and there's bombs involved. not a lot of action, but a shit ton of tension.


Suspiria (directed by Dario Argento starring Jessica Harper)

 It's the king of 1970's Italian horror movies, it's all about the beauty of violence and is one of the last movies shot on that old timey 3 strip technocolor process. It don't make no sense,  but man is it purty to look at and full of creepy atmosphere.




Manhunter (directed by Michael Mann , starring William Petersen)

 First movie to feature Hannibal Lecter and I reckon it could give Silence of the Lambs a run for it's money.  Great performances, kickass villain, a great performance of Lecter by Brian Cox too. Check it out.





Point Blank (directed by John Boorman, starring Lee (fuckin) Marvin)

 Lee Marvin is pissed off and he wants his money....... that's enough to wanna see it ain't it?




Bronson (directed by Nicolas Winding Refn, starring Tom Hardy)

 Hardy plays the longest servin prisoner in Britain (based on real feller) and he is a big time badass,  one of those all time great actin performances that got lost at Oscar time.  It's brutal but boy is it a good movie.




Life is Beautiful (directed by and starring Roberto Benigni)

 Yeah , he won the Oscar for best actor for this movie, but I reckon not many folks have actually seent it. It'll make ye laugh, it'll make ya cry, it'll make you love the movies again. It's a wonderful wonderful film.


The Ballad of Cable Hogue (directed by Sam Peckinpah, starring Jason Robards)

 It's kind of a western, but it's really just a fun movie that makes ya thank bout yer future and how to live yer life to it's fullest. (hell I made the best batch a corn liquor in 20 years after watchin this here flick)   It's just a great , small little film that I happen to really like a lot.




Wild at Heart (Directed by David Lynch, starring Nicholas Cage)

 Many of my older readers mighta seent this'n already,  but if you haven't run right now out and by it (or watch it on that Netflicks)  it's the Wizard of Oz....kinda....via David Lynch and Nick Cage.  It's a freakin whirlwind of awesome wrapped up in a big ole ribbon of holy shit



and last but not least...........

Reanimator/From Beyond/Dagon (all 3  directed by Stuart Gordon)

 Stuart Gordon is an underappreciated pitcher maker.  All 3 of these here movies are damn good entertainment, he doesn't just make scary movies, he doesn't just make gory movies, or funny movies,  he makes good movies that happened to be scary gory and funny!!  Most of his movies are good, but these 3 in par'tickler are my favorites.








Watch any of em, and let me know how ya liked em!!! (and looky there, ya thought you's gettin 10 movies and I threw in 2 more for free!!!!  enjoy!!!!


see ya at the fishin hole!!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises and such review

 Well, I went out with my buddy Vinnie to see that there new movie The Dark Knight Rises.  Bein I was a fan of the prior 2 movies I was excited to see what ole Nolan had in store for me.

 I wasn't let down, no sir not a bit.

 It's a very quiet movie really.  It ain't like the 2nd one with all them splosions and crazy shit goin on, nosir,  it's more of a thoughtful movie about moving on and letting go of grief and such.

 Well a quick synopsis thang:

 Batman's been out of the pitcher for like 8 years and Bruse Wayne is all holed up in his big ole mansion lettin his nails grow and peein in glass jars and.....  no , mang jus kiddin!

 He's still sad cuz ole girl died in the last one.  But new events brang him out of retirement as this big bad guy Bane, (who wears this rasslin mask that keep him from bein in serious pain) is in town, on a mission to complete the destruction of Gotham set forth by Rahs Al Guhl in the first movie.

 There's mayhem and chaos , but it ain't really an "action" movie.  It's much more like a 1970's cop drama . Like a a Serpico batman movie or sumthin..hell...

 Anyway, the old favorites are all here ,  Alfred,Commishner Gordon, Fox...etc Even got that feller from Full Metal Jacket as a Police Captain in it.  (and that little feller from 3rd rock from the sun plays a good cop who knows batman's secret).

 There's a new character played by the extra hot franch chick from Inception (she's the new CEO brought in to save Wayne's company)  and there's some new energy machine involved as well.

 All I can tell ya, is if you go into it thankin yer gonna get The Dar Knight part 2,  yer gonna be pissed.  But if you wanna see the perfect finish to a badass batman trilogy.  I think yer gonna be very very happy indeed!!


see ya at the fshin hole!!!

Brewers GM says "Greinke WILL be traded"

 The pitcher most Braves' fans covet this trade season is Zack Greinke and apparently the Brew Crew have not be able to sign him to an extension so he is on the trade market.

http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/2012/07/zack-greinke-rumors-thursday.html

 What do you think he will bring? Teheran?  Delgado and Spruill?  More?

 Stay tuned for more information  and don't forget to click my advertisers links!!!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Why the Braves should pursue Greinke

 Zack Greinke, ace pitcher.  "But Hillbilly" you say "His ERA is almost a 4 for his career"   Yes, but his FIP (fielding independent pitching) shows that if he had played for good defensive teams, he would be just over a 3 ERA guy. Not to mention he's in the top 5 in WAR since 2008.

 Will he cost a lot?   in short, YES!!   The Braves WILL have to give up Delgado, Spruill,Salcedo and another piece to get him.  I have no doubt about that.  Not to mention that to extend him will cost 5 or 6 years at $18-$20 mill per year.

But he is worth it.  

You throw a 5 man rotation of :

Greinke
Huddy
Sheets
Hanson
Minor

at any team in the playoffs and you are going to be in nearly every single game.  He makes the Braves into a division winning team, and a team that can win it all.

IMO, you pay whatever they want, even IF it turns out to be Teheran and Delgado

The internet and it's affect on baseball trades.

 Back in the "good old days"  GM's of teams didn't have to worry about trades leaking out. It's not that fans didn't care.  But most of us were content with finding out whenever the game came on and the announcers told us about it. We weren't a clamoring horde of superfreaks gnashing our teeth to blog and comment on each and every deal.

 Also, there weren't 470,000 media outlets covering every baseball move either. basically you had beat reporters who sent out feeds that spread to AP or Knight Ridder and that was pretty much it.

 NOW, however, everybody is a sports reporter, every fan a blogging expert and in this mass of opinions,angles and the mad dash to be "first!!".  The world of deal making has changed drastically.

 Take the most recent Dempster unpleasantness.  It appears to everyone on the outside that the Cubs got bamboozled by a pushy, selfish, petulent child of a player.  it also appears the Braves got hung out to dry and some folks have even mentioned that " poor ole Wren has been got again".

 The truth is, this stuff happens ALL THE TIME in baseball.  Before though, we didn't hear about it.  The GM's didn't discuss busted deals obviously, the writers who knew about them didn't want to lose their access to the players and mgmt so they kept their mouth's shut.  Nowadays tho, people are talking, and blogging and yapping.

 I think it's bad for the game personally.  If I were a GM, I'd spend part of ONE offseason, leaking deals to specific people and waiting for a leak so I would know who to fire. IMO, the two places in life where leaks must not be tolerated are international espionage and baseball trades.

However, we have only ourselves as fans to blame for all of this.

 WE demand to know "NOW!!!"  WE demand to be "FIRST!!" WE, in other words, are a bunch of entitled spoiled brats.

 If you here that the Braves got Greinke at 7pm tomorrow when you turn on the game from Joe Simpson instead of at 2:34pm when it was first announced on a rumor site, are you somehow worse off for it?   I don't think so.

 I think we as a culture should lighten up a little bit on this need to "know everything right now"  at least when it comes to sports.  I'm sure that the farmers back in the 1920's could have cared less WHEN they found out they got Hanley Ramirez for a couple of pitchers.  They were just glad they got him!!!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Dempster deal may be falling apart

 Apparently the Cubs never got final approval from Dempster to go to the Braves and he is holding out hopig for a Dodgers deal to get done instead.  I figure the Braves will be pulling the plug on this soon and if they return to the Dempster idea, the price will have gone down.

stay tuned

Monday, July 23, 2012

John Heyman reports Dempster deal now 50/50

Ex GM and genuine blowhard Jon Heyman reports that the Dempster deal to the Braves for Delgado is now 50/50.

http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/blog/jon-heyman/19641651/dempster-braves-trade-said-to-be-50-50


 No reason given why.  Is it Dempster getting cold feet?  Is his agent advising him to accept no trades?  Are the Braves asking for more?

stay tuned

Trade for Dempster not final

 Apparently, Dempster himself tweeted that there is no trade that he knows of as yet. Looks like maybe the minute details haven;t been worked out so he hasn't been told, or he's rejected the deal, or that the rumor mongers jumped the gun.  stay tuned for more info as it comes in

Ryan Dempster traded to the Braves

 My sources are telling me the Braves and Cubs have agrred on a trade involving Ryan Dempster to the Braves.  No word on the other players involved,(rumor is Delgado is part of the deal) and/or if there are any bench or bullpen pieces coming along.  I will update you as I get more information.

The Braves, the trade deadline and the 2013 season

 (serious non hillbilly mode today)


The Deadline:

Just send em Spruill and some other parts for Dempster and reed Johnson and be done with it already.  It gives us solid starter for the playoff push and Johnson fills Diaz's spot with a guy who can play the entire field. Problem solved.(just try like hell not to move Delgado or Minor)


The Offseason:

 I've been perusing the Braves COT info in regards to their contract situation for next year,and these are the numbers for those who are signed and/or arbitration eligible and my estimations of their contracts for 2013.(I am assuming an EOF trade(or non-tender) a Jurrjens trade or non tender and Bourn gone to free agency.

Uggla- 13.2 mill  2b
Prado- 7-9 mill   3b
Hudson- 9 mill   sp
Mac- 13 mill     C
Pastornicky- bench
Ross-  2mill     bench C
Kimbrel- .7 mill   cl
Heyward- 3 mill   rf
Freeman - .7 mill   1b
Hanson- 3 mill    sp
Venters- 1.5 mill   bp
Beachy- .6 mill    sp/dl)
Medlen- 1 mill    bp
Moylan- $1 mill
Minor- .6 mill     sp
Simmons- .6 mill   ss

(sure one or two  of Delgado,Teheran and Vizacaino will probably make the starting roster next year, but all will be at or near league minimum, so it won't effect it much)

That is 16 players and a total of $57 mill,   COT has the 2012 Braves payroll listed at $93 million  so let's assume a tiny raise to $95-96 mill this year.  That leaves around $39 mill to get a starting pitcher, a left fielder a center fielder ,3 pen arms (probably only one or two free agents or trades and one or two from AAA) and 3 bench pieces.

 Let us assume, the bench and pen acquisitions take around 6 or 7 mill in total, that leaves, $33 mill for a starter , left and center field.   Bourn is obviously out as he takes nearly half of that.  I assume the Braves are going to make a serious run at Greinke in the $18-$20 mill a year range,  IF THAT HAPPENS,  barring an unknown payroll boost to exceed $100 mill annually, that will leave less than $15 mill to fill left and center.

Who will be available and would be both cheap and starter quality?  Let's take a guess...

Left Field-

Justin Upton-  $10 mill in 2013,  would cost us a lot of pieces, and leaves under $5 mill for CF  but is an interesting option to ponder

Upside: potential MVP caliber performance at a good price

Downside: expensive to acquire in prospects, might underperform, potential attitude issues



 Josh Willingham- $7 mill  , would cost a good bit too due to his cheap deal, but has expressed interest in staying with the Twins, but the right offer of young pitching could pry him away.

Upside: cheap contract that he will outperform even on a down year

Downside: might cost too much in prospects, defensive liability


Nick Swisher- Free agent, will cost between $10-$12 mill a year on a 3-4 year deal

Upside-  good defense in right would make the left field defense better, switch hitter with power

Downside-  apparently not a well liked player by team mates, high cost means a defense first CF'er



Cody Ross-  Free agent, will cost between $8 -$10 mill per for 2-3 years due to breakout season with the Red Sox

 Upside- good defender in left, scrappy hitter with power, decent value at $8 mill, probable overpay at $10

Downside- power may not translate to Turner Field well enough to rationalize deal


Alfonso Soriano- Trade candidate buy the Cubs,

Upside- avg defense, good power still , With Cubs eating salary could enable a competitive offer made to Burn

Downside- can be lazy, can be streaky, will require better players than we want to give up probably for the Cubs to make his deal in the $4-$5 mill a year range we'd like it to be.


Looking at this list , and when you combine availability, price and productivity I rank them as follows:

 Ross
Willingham
Soriano
Swisher
Upton (love to have him, but I think he's traded  before the fall)

so let's assume $8 mill for Ross in LF (just for the heck of it)

(now , Ross isn't who I'd prefer to get, but he makes the most sense to get. he is the probably the best when you apply a cost/benefit analysis to the available LF bats)

So , if we assume Greinke AND Ross, we have around $7 mill left for a CF'er.  This removes Bourn from the discussion.

 Now, the good thing is, that it DOES leave the team with lots of options.  and options that we may not have considered:


 Since we didn't trade for Ross, we still have prospects to use to gain a CF'er, and since we spent less than we could have on RF, it means we have money to make a value deal for ANOTHER starter. Ben Sheets

 Offer him a one year deal at $3 mill (incentives could make it as high as $4.5 mill)with a team option for the following year.  I bet he takes it.


Then build a package around Bethancourt and send him to the Amgels for Peter Bourjos,  he's a wunderkind with the glove in CF and had one good year with the bat before struggling this year in a platoon type role.  he will cost very little, in fact. You estimate one million bucks for him, and look at the roster and budget, for 2013!!!!


1b- Freeman
2b- Uggla
3b-Prado
SS-Simmons
C-McCann
RF-Heyward
LF-Cody Ross
CF-Bourjos


Rotation:

Greinke
Sheets
Hudson
Hanson
Minor

Pen:

Kimbrel
Venters
EOF- (look saving money on Ross/Bourjos enabled us to bring him back)
Moylan
Vizcaino
Varvaro
free agent- ditto

Bench:

Ross
Pastornicky
Gattis
Reed Johnson
Francisco/free agent


total cost:  between $91 and $96 mill depending on the arbitration breaks and Sheets hitting his incentives.

 That team would perform very well I think.


so what say you?




see ya at the fishin hole!




Thursday, July 19, 2012

Muh Favorite Braves of All Time (well since I was alive)

I'm a big Atlanta Braves fan, have been since a was a little kid when my daddy took me to the game where they broke Pete Rose's hit streak.  I thought I'd make a listin of all my favorite Braves since I been watchin em. (broke down by position of course)


1st base-  The Crime Dog Fred McGriff

 He's a big tall lanky feller, but boy could he hit home runs. In fact when he retired he had hit a HR in every single park in all of baseball.  But what I liked was his swagger and his swang. He had this big ole swang and he twirled the bat at the top when he hit one good. (and it was good he hit em far cuz he ran like he had a stick up his butt and was slow as molasses in January)
 I's sho sad to see him go.


2nd base- Martin Prado

  He's still tharr but playin LF now.  He's scrappy, fiesty, hard headed and a helluva good hitter.  he ain't gonna hit too many homers, but he can hit it anywherr you pitch it.  he can play anywharr too, but I like him at 2nd. next year he takes over 3rd base from the mighty...

3rd base- Chipper Jones

 Greatest Atlanta Braves hitter of All time,  maybe the best hitting 3rd baseman of all time.  Hit homers, singles, triples , don't matter to Chipper. Hell if he had tried to hit more HR's he prolly coulda hit 40 a year, but his avg woulda suffered for it.  he's gonna end his career as one of a select few with a .300 avg, a 400 on base %  and a .500 sluggin%,   He's a Hall of Fame player, and it was muh pleasure watchin him play.

SS- The Pac Man - Rafael Belliard

  He couldn't hit a lick, and he really didn't start very often, but man could he pick it. and one of my favorite baseball memories is when he hit a HR in San Diego (his 2nd and last of his long career)  he said"th last time I hit one here the trees were only this tall" referrin to the now 30 foot palm trees behind left field.  I can't really say why he's my favorite, but he is. and it's my list dammit!  (but this new kid Andrelton Simmons may change my mind, he's smooth as my brother in law at a tupperware party)

Catcher-  Brian McCann

 He can pick it, he can damn sure hit it.  Been one of the best catchers in all of baseball and in his 7 year career has 6 all star games, 6 silver slugger awards and one all star game MVP.  He's a local boy to Atlanta so I hope they keep him around for a long time

 RF- Dale Murphy

 My boyhood hero (even tho he IS a Mormon) he was Mr All American Athlete. Decent glove, great arm, great bat.  If he hadn't a got hurt and fallen apart at the end he woulda been in the Hall of Fame too, but his back to back MVP's just weren't enough.   I's so sad when he got traded away...

CF- Andruw Jones

 Best fieldin player I ever saw at any position.  he made the great look routine, the amazing look easy and the incredible look like a walk in the park,  he caught balls on the run most players would never even tried to dive for.  Best field instincts I've ever seen in a player.  Now, he DID get fat and start trying to hit every damn thing out of the park. But those hard years in Cf for the Braves took a toll on him. and if there was any sort of justice,  he would get in the Hall of Fame anyway. (hell Ozzie Smith and Brooks Robinson are in for just their glove)   He;d get my vote

LF-  Ryan Klesko (I called him the Bush Hog)

 Not much of a fielder (to put it mildly)  but he could hit the ball forever.  Lotta people don't know this, but he out hit Chipper for a few years there in OPS!(fancy baseball numbers are my specialty) and he had the most violent swang I ever saw.  He swang the bat with evil intent to crush it .  One of my favorite things was when they'd walk someone in front of him hoping to strike him out.  I don't know how many Grand Slams he hit, or how many hR's after an intentional walk, but it was damn sure lot of em.   Was my all around favorite Brave of the 90's teams.  I really hated that they traded him to the left handed hitting pit of hell San Diego, kinda ruined him I think.

Starting Pitcher-  Greg Maddux

Perhaps the greatest right handed pitcher of all time. but is damn sure the smartest.  he won 356 games or so with guile finesse and the best gameplan of any pitcher ever.  he toyed with em, he could throw any pitch, any speed in any location at any time.  Hitters were usually doomed, and they knew it.  If I listed all of his numbers here ....well,  it'd just make ya sick...

Reliver- Craig Kimbrel

 In only his 2nd year the might Kimbrel has stolen my baseball heart.  he's a beast. He is putting up numbers at age 24 that are just hard to believe!!!  strikin out 48% of batters faced, only walkin one per 9 innings, 60% of the balls that get hit go on the ground instead of the arr.... He's dominanat in a way only Marianianoaino Rivera has seen.   I hope to hell we lock him up for 5 or 6 years , he's amazin.



Well, tharrs my list! Hope ya like it, and if you got some of yer own, go head and put em in the comments! I like talkin baseball with folks!!

see ya at the fishin hole!!!


mmmmmmMMMMM , BINGO.....

So, every damn Wednesday for 20 years my wife/goat has runt off to the local VFDubya to play Bingo.  I never minded as that meant not only more beer for me, but I got to watch my Braves baseball in peace,  but tonight , for SOME DAMN REASON, she insisted that I go with her. None of my usual bitchin and moanin worked so come 7pm, off to Bingo I went...

 Well, I walk in the door and every damn blue harr and pissed off old bastard in 3 counties was a sittin there, piles of papers before em, and each with heavily adorned markers and paint pens and good luck charms. It looked like Liberace was playin Branson again for fucks sake..

 Anyway, I fork out my 30 bucks and get my 5287 different game sheets and find me a seat. I'm taking in the sheer terrible awfulness of it all: the bickering of spouses, the soft glow of twelve thousand florescent blulbs, the sweet smell of ben gay and prunes.... and just as I was 'bout to tear ass out of that place, the beer man walked by.
 After my 4th bud lite in the first fifteen minutes it all started to become bearable and finally, the REAL mayhem ensued .  A man I had only seen at church (when my in laws were in town) wandrered up to a table with a big screen behind and fired up the bingo machine and in a loud clear voice older than the land of which I was raised said "B-7"  ,  well, you can just imagine the excitement!! 243 old ladies marking dots on the no less than 15 sheets a piece all at once sounded like the worlds largest typewriter (well if the keys was covered in cotton)   all of a sudden a voice " Dammit!  mark yer damn squarrs!!"  i realized it was the familiar screech of the wife/goat and i began my journey into the heart of bingo darkness.

 After about 6 games in a row ,and my 1st twelve pack, i was getting the hang of it,  they call numbers, I mark em, somebody else yells BINGO DAMMIT!  and everybody else yells FUCK!!!!  It was actually kinda fun,  but then,just when I thought I had seen it all, there was "The Incident".

 We was playin some special round with these special cards that pays $100 every week and you can only buy one card. it only cost a dollar and is kinda like the door prize. the first person to mark ANY number wins,  so,  I'm a sittin therr listenin and a lookin when all of a sudden "Bingo!!!" followed of course by "Fuck!!"  but before the fuck had faded "BINGO!!!" sounded from across the room. Two bingos at the same time? Impossible they said!

 Well the two old tobacca chewin floozies I see down at the roadhouse sometimes (and who already hate each other) come a walkin to the podium.  Not bein prepared for all this the ringmaster appeared bamboozled.  He took both cards,  agreed both were winners and then dissappeared behind a curtain to his left. (it got me to thankin bout the wizard of oz to be honest)  no less than 4 beers later he returned and did not look amused.
 " One of these cards is from last week, and you lady's know that you caint be brangin back cards from last week, so who's is it?"   He damn well knew who's it was, but he was hopin for an admittance of guilt. But I seen these too old broads fight over a sailor before and I knew that shit weren't a happenin.

 "that old nasty whore therrr did it parson, she ain't worth a shit that white trash bitch" said Wilma, a 50+ year old blonde with hair like a broom and the build of a lineman.

 "oh hell no, fuck you Wilma Sue, I bought my card today you can ask Emma Jean at the desk tharr" said Melanie Tucker who smelled like gin and weighed about 40 pounds soakin wet, she had an overbite like a ice pick and a truck bigger than my house.

 Well, just when the parson was about to intervene, wouldn't ya know it but Wilma launched in the airr like Bruce Lee and kicked ole fork face right in the jaw!!!  You would think i would be tensed up, but hell no i was a laughin so hard I damn near pissed my drawers and missed the action!!!

 It never really developd from tharr, they got em separated, threw ole Wilma out on her ass (she was the cheater it appeared) handed Mel her hunnerd doller bill and we went back to Bingoin....

 last card, last game of the night, blackout.....   I'm tense,  I ain't never handled a pen like that in my life, and the numbers just seem to keep comin!  I'm a markin em so fast that I'm sure I will have victory. Four numbers left, then three, then TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!............. then I stalled, plateaued, was so sure i was gonna cough up the victory like the Buffalo Bills of bingo when i heard 0-63,  only one more left!!!!!

O-72 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 well i holler BINGO MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  and the place went silent.  apparently I had made a VFW faux pas....   i sauntered my big hillbilly ass up to the parson tharr and he glared at me like I pissed on his flowers and humped his old lady/goat.   But after a cursory inspection and a verification by his bingo machine I was declared the winner..........of a $100 gift certificate to a nail salon...

 Well you can imagine my dismay,  I ain't goin to no nail salon, and my wife/goat is at the still more than me, and between that and pickin beans her nails look like whale teeth glued to her hand.   even tho it was more useless than using a pitchfork for a spittoon I took it with pride, and framed it on my wall, a symbol

of victory




see ya at the fishin hole!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

I's a poet and stuff

 Lotta people don't know this, but I's won some poetry contest and am actually fairly good with the written word when it suits me to be! Hell my wife/goat reckons I'm a right backwoods Charlie Bukowski!!

 take you a listen!!

 Buried down in seven hells, with crimson clowns and ne'r do wells
 are the secrets I would never tell, ringing loud as chapel bells

 The candle light is softer there, my butterfly's, your flaxen hair
 that danced your face like Fred Astaire, scented sweetly lavender

 and when the clock it rings at five, the seated demons spring alive
 they tweedle dee the tweedle lives, and cattle prod them side by side

 but dare not fret my mortal soul, wandering down this stinking hole
 for all the days we shared of old, will tally up enough in tolls

 so sweetly go you into the night,  forget me oh forget me might
 there's always others in the light, to pester,love you hold you tight

 for if you gloom away alone, they'll hold your seat here in the gloam
my face will ever cross your own, as seventh heaven is your home

cross the tee's and make me cry, for  forever in my heart ,   you,    lie




putry ain't it?   my wife/goat thanks it's a bit moody.... (what does she know bout poetry anyway..)


see ya at the fishin hole!!!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Fantasy Sports

  I'm always herrin bout these dadburn fantasy sports.  get invites on that email askin me to join some league and all that.  That's the damn dumbest thin I ever heard.  My wife/goat informed me that it ain't nuthin but dungeons and dragons for jocks. and I ain't throwin no damn 20 sided dice for no football game.

 Mr and my brother in law came up with our own version of it tho,  gonna call it : FANTASY HUNTIN

 Gonna have the game warden tag about 200 deer and whoever shoots the most tagged deer wins!!!

 was thinkin of makin it fancy by puttin names on the tags of famous players and givin em pt values.  So if you shoot Drew Brees, hell that's like 100 pts,  you shoot Ted Ginn Jr you get 10 pts (nd if you shoot Tim Tebow you get no points and have to say 100 hail mary's) lol


anyway, if'n ya wanna play make sure you sign up on muh custom yahoo league: shootinandkillin

only costs ya $5 and you could win 2 gallons of corn liquor!!!



see ya at the fishin hole!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

What the hell are these commercials about?



i watch a fair bit of TV in the evenin's and it's come to my attention that the average commercial on late at night is just wrong....

 Why is it that anytime something to do with vaginer comes on, folks is walkin on a beach?
 Tampon? Beach , Doosh? Beach  Weener pills? two folks walkin on a beach  (and the odd thing is how often that them doosh commercials have two women walkin on a beach, is there some specific lesbian dooshin issues involved I don't know about?)

 Another thing I have noticed is how many of them lawyer commercials is on late at night.  Like ,they reckon, your broke ass is up late, you ain't got no job,  so maybe you can sue some folks and you can sit on yer ass for a bit longer!!!  (ain't a half bad idea really...)

 One of my favrites, is that Teeter thang!  They got some old bastard out there (and he says his name is Roger Teeter.....ain't that convenient, guess we are all lucky he isn't a mountain climber eh?)  
 But he got this thang where you hang upside down and it's supposed to make you youngr, or healthier.  or some bullshit like that.  Really tho? hangin upside down makes ya healthier?  Didn't they do that back in the old knights of the old table days to torture people?  I doubt too many folks were poppin up after a day or two hanging from their toes and sayin " my back feels great!!!"
  Ya know what, I got a great idea,  I'll change my name to Roger Standup and my deevice'll have ya standin straight up, usin none of yer muscles and it'll have a little spot to hold yer beer and the remote, and for an extra $20 we'll give ya a gravy drip!  Let's see how healthy you feel after 4 good hours of beer gravy and not movin!!!!   "I'm Roger Standup, I;m 37 years old and I feel like crap!!!! "(then I'd fall over)



 Whatever happened to them K-tel record collection commercials?  I know young folks do all that damn downloadin and listen to their music on some shitty little box with headphones or these terrible speakers now (and it sounds like shit)   but they can't have a K-tel collection for the I-pod?   Hosted by Bo Duke or maybe The Hulk guy or some shit?  "You get over 200 of yer favrite hits, downloaded direct to yer music box for only $19.95 (plus shippin and handlin)"   It would be amusin and I'm sure both Bo Duke could use the money AND Linda Rondstat would like to hear her songs on the TV again... I miss em both...

  My latest gripe, has been these fat pill commercials,they all say "you can eat watcha want and watch the fat melt away"   Really? melt away huh?  Well my wife/goat  ordered some of that shit a few years back and lemme tellya, you damn sure better read that there fine print, cuz the "melting" they talk about is true.  That fat melts it's way right out yer asshole so fast that yer chafin for 6 weeks and have a new found appreciation for Niagara Falls.     It was gross , and ole girl had the worst gas ...... It was like she'd ate a balloon full of  motor oil and garbage......I slept in the barn

 Not to mention that we've all got so damn lazy.  We want a pill for our weener and a pill to get skinny and a pill to stop our "back pain" and a pill to stop us givin a shit......   Ya know, me and my kin have reckoned that there ain't a problem known to mankind that duct tape, wd-40, corn liquor or a shotgun caint fix....  I don't need no damn pills to live my life!!! Hell, only pill I ever take is an aspirin twice a day to keep my blood pressure from blowin sky high when my wife/goat decides the livin room needs to be pink.....


I've got it !   (this is some awesome shit man check this out)

 You getcha a Teeter, that plays K-tel records and injects ya full of weener pills and fat suckin juice (oh and for the ladies, it just keeps yer vaginer fresh and feeds ya fat suckin juice and my own pill that makes ya stop runnin ya damn mouth all the time)

 I'd sell it for $99.95,  but if you order in the next 10 minutes, the shippin and handlin is free!!!



see ya at the fishin hole!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Prometheus, a Hllbilly's take

  I saw that there Prometheus movie a few days after it came out, and I been ponderin it ever since.  (my wife/goat hated it, but she don't know shit bout movies unless they got that little Tom Cruise feller in em...)


anyway,  I thank it's important to note that I have waited a long damn time to write about it,  it made me think......  This is a good thing.

 Now my Brother in law Clete said he thought it was stupid and didn't make no sense.  This was his review to me as he saw it at midnite on openin night,(took me til like thursday to see it)  well being that my sister met Clete at Dino's Tavern while he was winnin 2nd place in the annual Mountain Oyster Eatin contest  (sheep balls to you folks that don't know) I wasn't too surprised, as he'd prolly be stumped by sumthin as complex as a can of peanuts or the movie Breakin 2 Electric Boogaloo(in short the  community center gonna be shut down by evil city folk,the  kids have break dancin fund raiser and save it for the betterment of the people and their delightfully un-criminal urban community)   But lemme tell ya folks,  Prometheus is much more complex and realistic than Breakin 2!


 *SHIT THAT'LL RUNT THE MOVIE FER YA WARNIN!!!!*



 It opens with this spaceship flyin over this big body builder feller from space , he dranks him some black goo stuff and dissolves into his basic structure of dna (like a dna man porridge)  and we don't know if it's earth he's on or not,  but we see the dna recombine in the water and we can speculate that this here is how life was made (NO IT WASN'T JESUS CLETE! SHUT UP IT'S MY DAMN REVIEW!!!)


sorry, damn idjit brother in law of mine is hollerin from the livin room.   (I hurt my hand so my nephew Stump is typin for me)....Stump you didn't have to type out what i said to yer daddy!! shit, no dammit stop it!!..... alright fine..........

 anyway,  next thang ya know, there this purty science lady and her scientist boyfriend and they find this cave paintin of big aliens pointing at some stars.  We find out later that these same pitchers are found all over the world and so they present this idea to the big evil company that we find out later sent off the space trucker folk from the first Alien movie.

 So, then we cut to a big ole spaceship , and that Fatsbender guy (he's a great actor)  is playing  kinda like the caretaker of the ship, folks are sleepin in their hibernation pods and he's watchin Lawrence of Arabia over and over and playin basketball from a bicycle (I thought he's queer at first, turns out he's just a robot)


But he's been a peeping in on the science lady's dreams,  and I thought that was just kinda wrong ya know..... who the hell even needs to invent sumthin like that?.............


 so, they all wake up, hot ass Charlize Theron (don't tell my wife/goat  I said that Stump)  is the big evil corporate lady she gathers em all together  to have a meetin


turns out that they reckon that whoever put the life on earth left a message to find em, and that's why the whole project is goin on. There's a cool hologrm of the founder of the company who comes out in some kinda shitty old man makeup but his actin is really good and all, so it don't matter that damn much,  but he helps kinda explain the basics of everything. You kinda get the feelin that the scientists and the the corporate bitch are the only folks who know what's really goin on and the other folks are just truck drivers and hired guns and side men.... It don't matter really...


I'm gonna avoid spoilin too damn much of it fer ya , but let's just say that things don't go as planned...........  BUT, BUT,BUT,  that ain't what was cool bout this movie.

 It was cool cuz I had to do a lot of thinkin, and I love thinkin....    This movie, it isn't all spelled out fer ya,  it ain't like watchin a damn Transformers movie,  and it ain't like any of the other Alien movies neither....

It's more like that bad ass Steven Kubrick movie 2001...   It's DEEEEEP, and i love that shit man, I can just watch that kinda shit over and over,  you know one time I watched the movie Dead Man like 4 times in a row cuz I was tryin to figure it all out and I had a whole damn batch of shine go off .... I just plum forgot it!


 Sorry, anyway  ,   It makes you think about what it means to be a human,  are we different? special?  is there really a purpose to life?  Do we deserve to survive any longer?

 How did we get here?  Who do we blame when we die? and do we have a right to live if we have a creator? (be it Jesus or alien space men?)

All this stuff is in this movie,  and not all of it is answered,  but I lik that it ain't fuckin Breakin 2, I lik how the end ain't all tied up for ya in a purty bow.

 Now there's some problems with some of the characters motivashunss ...oh hell Stump that's close enuff I don't know how to spell it neither,   and it ain't a perfect movie.  But  I like thinkin, and Prometheus made me do a lot of thinkin!




I give it a 4.5 gallons of shine out 5!




see ya at the fishin hole!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Chipper Jones is the best Hittin' 3rd Baseman ever!!

 With my old buddy Chipper bout to re-tire after this here season, I reckoned it was damn sure time to point out to all my kinfolk and friends why he's the best ever to wield the bat at 3rd base.


Here be my fancy number usin!!!




 Now don't gt me wrong, I still think that Mike Schmidt feller  is the greatest 3b of all time because of his purty fieldin'.  But ,just with the bat Chipper could not be messed with!! (plus my wife/goat thinks he's cute)


for those of you who don't understand these fancy numbers,  go to http://www.fangraphs.com/   and there's a glossary to splain it all to yee.

my reasons why Chipper is best


WAR is a number come up with by baseball nerds that makes it easy for us hillbillies to just yell out one number and show we know what the hell we's talkin bout. It counts dee-fense,  hittin ,and base runnin

well, here are the top 8 in 3b fWAR:

Arod- 114.1
Schmidt- 110.6
Matthews- 107.2
Boggs- 94.8
Brooks Robinson-94.6
Brett- 91.6
Chipper-89.7
Santo- 79.3


So it isn't his fancy  nerd stat  WAR that does it, in fact WAR's heavy use of deefense hurts Chipper to the tune of almost 10WAR of his career.

 But  you can eliminate Arod as over half his numbers came at SS which is counted  heavier in WAR,(like my wife/goat,  but shhhhhh!) Robinson's entire value comes almost entirely from defense, Boggs DH'd a fair bit to aid his WAR towards the end and wasn't much of a power hitter.

 No , it really comes down to Schmidt, Brett, Matthews and Chipper for the 3b Batting title.



here's the numbers :

when it comes to career OPS:(thats when you take how often he got on base and add it to how many times he hit doubles triples or homers or sluggin percentage)

Schmidt- .907 over 10,062 PA's

Matthews- .885  over 10,101 PA's

Brett- .856 over 11,625 PA's

Chipper- .934  over 10,363 PA's


So you like OBP more than OPS?

Schmidt-.380
Matthews-.376
Brett-    .369
Chipper- .402


counting stats wise, Chipper doesn't have the 512 HR's of Matthews nor the 548 HR's of Schmidt,  but he will be the 3b RBI king by the end of the year, not to mention more BB's than K's.


So it's power you like?  Well let's look at the SLG% and Isolated Power of our group of 4.(Isolated Power...i forgot what it means. go look it up and tell me)

Schmidt- SLG-.527, ISO-.260

Matthews- SLG-.509  ISO-.238

Brett-       SLG- .487   ISO-.183

Chipper-    SLG- .532   ISO- .227

So far the only number where Chipper lags is ISO power.  But I never said he was the best at every damn thing  hell!!

wOBA? Chipper won that too :(wOBA is so damn fancy and nerdy the folks that made it up caint even splain it)

Chipper- .399
Schmidt- .395
Matthews- .390
Brett     -.374



 But here's the real hog baller,  and the thing that makes Chipper king of the still,.  He swung both ways!! (and I don't mean like Kallyfornee folk neither)  he was a switch hitter and a damn good un.

Now the nerd heads have argued bout this more than an Indian buyin hogs,  and have yet to give any bonus  for switch hitting, and much of this is due to the FACT that most switch hitters ain't worth a damn from one side or the other.  Chipper tho, he's a fine swinger don't matter what side he's on :

Left - .947 OPS  .229 ISO,.401 wOBA wRC+146

Right - .869 OPS  .192 ISO,.374 wOBA,wRC+128


most fellers struggle to be above avg from their weak side as , Chipper kicked more ass than Mike Tyson!

 IMO, his ability to switch hit HAS to be worth 1more fancy WAR a season(150 games played) in added value.

You divide his games played(2436) by 150 and you get 16.24 .  you add 16 WAR to Chipper's career numbers and you get ..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................(sorry for the long drum roll, counting toes and making marks on the wall takes a lick of time)......................................................................................................................................................................................................

105.7

This puts him 5 WAR behind That Schmidt feller , exactly where I think he belongs as the 2nd greatest 3rd baseman of all time.

and hell, that ain't so damn bad at all!!!!!

hate to see ya go Chipper,  but

see ya at the fishin hole!!

Friday, July 6, 2012

Creation Museum realizes that they's idiots....

  So, I was just about to go to sleepin with my wife/goat tonight and an article catches my eye on that there yahoo.  It's about how this here Creationist museum down in Kentucky has  run out of money to make a life size recreation of Noah's Ark........  Now what kinda bullshit is this?
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/creation-museum-evolves-hoping-add-life-size-ark-170347907.html

 I reckon you ain't gotta love Jesus to be afraid of him, and I reckon you ain't gotta not love Jesus to understand that the story of Creation in the Bible is just a fairy tale to splain to folks how all the different critters got here and why they look like they do.

 Now, the bible says that the ark was like 500 foot long and 80 foot high and hell I don't know how wide. And that Noah took a bunch of clean animals (the eatin kind) and then 2 of every other kinda animal.  Well, what they DON'T  explain in the bible, is how in the hell are you gonna fit all them critters on one boat?  I hunt a lot, and so I read about huntin a lot,  and there's like 2000 different kinds of deer damn near.  4000 deer gonna eat a hell of a lot of grass. Then you start addin them hippos and such (and if you believe these freaks, they had to load a shitload of dinosaurs too I reckon)  and there ain't no way in hell you could feed all them critters for that long. No sir,  I may not have finished the 6th grade, but i know how much feed a hog eats, and my blue ribbon sow Betty Lou damn near eat that Ark outta house and home in a week or two.
 AND THEY NEED $20MILLION DOLLERS TO BUILD THE DAMN THING!!!

 Hell, I can wrangle up a few brothers in law and some cousins and build em an ark in about 3 weeks for a hell of a lot less than that (and the biggest bill would prolly be beer and Camel lights).... lol


 Then at this museum, I read they gots little displays with babies playin with dinosaurs in it.  Like that ain't the dumbest thing this hillbilly's ever heard of in his life!!!!   Everybody knows them dinosaurs'd eat that baby up soon as look at it.


 I don't know much about that Darwin feller, but I've heard enough bullshit sermons to know shit from shinola.  If somone's pissin down yer back and hollers it's rainin, well, you gotta be smart enough to know the difference.


see ya at the fishin hole!

Dadburn Bigfoot Weirdos.....

 Howdy folks,  you know what get's my ole blood pressure just a churnin?  Them stoopid ole hippy Bigfoot people.  Not the folks that think there might be some big ole critter running amok in the woods, no, they a little strange, but they aiighht.  No, it's them folks that think that Bigfoot is psychic, or is a shapeshifter or has some dadgum mystical powers of the orient.  I just ran across this little story over at mah favorite Bigfoot gandering sight http://bigfootevidence.blogspot.com/    .  About a emmer effin Bigfoot whisperer spirit stick.

 My Goddamm hogs are smarter than this crap!! (sorry Jesus for cussin)  If there is a Bigfoot out therr I doubt he's worryin bout makin hisself a "spirit stick".

here's the story  http://bigfootevidence.blogspot.com/2012/07/bigfoot-whisperer-how-to-make-bigfoot.html


and for those of ya that ain't much on readin, here's the video




You see that crap?   What in thee hell is the world comin to?  a Bigfoot Gift Temple?  I reckon these fellers are off the shine and have moved on to some of that biker dope.......

 Well, Imma see y'all later, gotta get up early and start makin me a lady spirit stick before my wife/goat wakes up.


see ya at the fishin hole!!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

That Dark Knight Rises Pitcher

  I just seent the new ....trailer I think it's called,  for the next Batman pitcher.  And, lemme tell ya,  it looks pretty damn awesome. Lots of splosions and he's got him a new flyin Bat plane and ,well, I think it's gonna be right up there with some of my favorite pitchers like Casablanca, Rififi and that really badass kung fu movie The Seven Samurai.

well, hell don't take my word for it, take you a look see!




Now how awesome was that?  My wife/goat made me promise her that we'd be first in line to see it. So i reckon I gots a lot of boilin and bottlin headin my way!


see ya at the fishin hole!

TERLET PAPER THAT AIN'T NO DAMN GOOD

  Nuthin get's this Hillbilly angrier than when you go to someones house and they got that single ply terlet paper like you find in a porta pooper on the wrong side of town.  You know they ain't got that stuff in their personal bathroom!! NOOOO,  they got that Quilted stuff that makes yer fanny purty.

 So what are they sayin?  "We don't really want our friends and family to have comfortable bottoms when they visit"?     or maybe even " you people are obvious terlet paper thieves so we are going to concede to yer criminal behavior with paper you wouldn't want to steal"!!

 Which is it?  You think we ain't good enuff fer yer fancy paper? Or do you think we are part of an international conspiracy of terlet paper thieves?

 I think it's shameful.  My wife/goat demands that our guest outhouse is always full of all the pleasantries one would expect of a fine upstanding family such as our own.   So when you come to visit the Hillbilly's, know your bottom will be treated with the upmost kindness!!

 see yall at the fishin hole!

BRAVES AND THE ALL STAR GAME

 Well, we all reckoned that Chipper Jones would get voted in, but that dern Larusser went and replaced Matt Kemp (who is a daburn center fielder) with Chipper (who can barely play 3rd cuz his knees are like Andy Griffith's)  and so that left poor ole Bourn high and dry.  But we all know Laruss did it so his boy Freese could get on the team.  So now we gots 4 3rd baseman and the best dadburn CF'er in the national league ain't even playing.

 That there is some hogwash.  My wife/goat informed me that I barely have enough corn liquor left to get me through this rough patch.....  But with the grace of God (and my cellular deevice) I can get a hunderd pounds of cane sugar and a bushel of corn shuckins by saturday...

Howdy!!! This'n here is my interweb blog, where you can hear about my adventures, love of Braves baseball, suspicions about Bigfoot and complaints about city folk  Enjoy!!